


keep going

by andnowforyaya



Series: keep going, ten! [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Asexuality, Coming Out, M/M, hencas side couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:42:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25120333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andnowforyaya/pseuds/andnowforyaya
Summary: “Yeah. Yeah, I think. I think I’m going to tell him.” Ten’s foot would not stop tapping against the bar of his stool. “I don’t know, he’s great. I really like him. He’s corny and smart and makes me think, but what if he doesn’t, like, accept me?”
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun
Series: keep going, ten! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1852300
Comments: 88
Kudos: 483





	keep going

**Author's Note:**

> thank you, a, for the read through <3

Ten chewed at his fingernails, chipping the paint off of them and probably slowly poisoning himself by eating nailpolish, as he waited for Lucas and Hendery to tell him he was overthinking things, yet again, because they were the only friends he could count on. For some god-forsaken reason the bar they were in wasn’t running their air conditioning, instead opting to leave the door open for circulation, and the humidity outside seeped into the stuffy space, making Ten sweat in his seat at the high-top table even though he was minimally dressed in shorts, a sleeveless tee, and slides.

Hendery’s lips twisted into something between a smile and a grimace as he processed Ten’s monologue of nervous rambling he’d just been subjected to, his hand moving over Lucas’ on the table. “So what I got out of all that was that you’re going to tell him at the end of your date tomorrow. Is that right?"

Ten shifted in his seat and clasped his hands together over the table so that he’d stop picking at his nails. He wished the waiter would come back already with their appetizers so he’d have something to do, something to fidget with. He nodded at Hendery, wondering why Lucas had been so quiet and frowning slightly through all this. 

Lucas’ arm was wrapped around Hendery’s shoulders. They learned into each other naturally, like they didn’t even know they were doing it, but Ten supposed that’s what three years into a loving, perfect relationship looked like.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think. I think I’m going to tell him.” Ten’s foot would not stop tapping against the bar of his stool. “I don’t know, he’s great. I really like him. He’s corny and smart and makes me think, but what if he doesn’t, like, accept me?” 

Hendery tilted his head, his eyes burning bright. “Then he’s not worth it and you dump him,” he said with an air of finality.

Ten chewed on his lip and nodded, resisting the urge to bite his nails again.

Lucas moved, finally, unwrapping himself from around Hendery so that he could lean both elbows onto the table. “If he doesn’t accept you, then that’s his loss,” he said, agreeing with his boyfriend. “And he’s an asshole.”

The bottom fell out of Ten’s stomach as he vividly imagined what rejection would feel like. “I hate this,” he wailed, throwing his head into his hands and melting over the table dramatically, just as the waiter returned with a cone of fries and their order of arugula caprese flatbread to share. 

“Oh, I’ll just put this here between you…” she said with a high, nervous lilt in her tone. “Anything else I can…?”

“We’re good, thanks,” Hendery said kindly. Ten assumed Hendery waited for the waitress to be a safe distance away before he continued. “I think it’s great you want to tell him, Ten. Like, you’d have to tell him eventually, right? So...might as well get it over with.”

“What if I have to explain to him, _in words_ , what it means?” Ten looked up through his hands at the cone of fries because the smell of grease and salt wafting in the air this close was really starting to make him salivate. He pinched an especially crunchy looking one between his fingers and munched on it, sagging into his seat with his chin cupped in his palms. 

He hated explaining that he was ace. That was the worst part of coming out: the lengthy explanations, the questions, being faced with incredulity. As though Ten hadn’t spent years grappling with his sexuality through adolescence and high school and college because he just “hadn’t found the right person yet.” Words were never easy for him anyway. He tended to be long-winded and digress when he was nervous, which was a lot of the time, and a simple question about how he was doing today could spiral into an in-depth overshare of his family’s dynamics and why his apartment was clean but his life was a mess.

“You could say,” Lucas began to offer helpfully, popping a fry into his mouth, “that you’re ace and you’d rather not be the one to educate him on what that means right now, but you have friends who can explain.” He pointed at himself and Hendery. “Also, there’s this thing called the internet.”

Ten stuffed three fries between his knuckles so that they looked like Wolverine’s claws and ate them one by one. Having to educate wasn’t always the only problem…

“What if he knows what it is but he doesn’t believe in it?” 

Hendery scowled. “Well, then, again, he’s an ignorant asshole, and you drop him.”

“I don’t want him to be an asshole…”

Hendery shrugged and began to divvy up the pieces of the flatbread, sliding two onto Lucas’ plate right off the bat. “If you really like him maybe you should give him a chance to prove to you that he isn’t one, you know?”

Ten did really like Kun. They’d met through an app and Kun had courageously suggested salsa dancing for a first date. 

_If we hit it off in real life maybe you can come over after and I can show you the magic card tricks I’ve been working on,_ Kun had messaged. 

To Ten’s delight they had hit it off, though he’d declined the magic card tricks that evening, thinking they were a euphemism for something else. Kun had not pushed. By their third date Ten had come to understand that “magic card tricks” really just meant “magic card tricks”, as Kun pulled a well-thumbed deck of cards out in the middle of their late afternoon picnic and asked him to pick a card, any card.

He really didn’t want Kun to turn out to be a jerk. 

“It’s like Schrödinger’s asshole,” Ten mumbled sadly. 

“I really don’t think it’s like that at all,” Lucas laughed, tossing a fry that bounced off of Ten’s face. Ten ate it off the table dejectedly. “An unobserved asshole is still an asshole. Let’s try to believe Kun isn’t one.”

.

Ten sank back against the concrete benches that faced the East River, humming happily as he spooned his rapidly melting chocolate ice cream into his mouth. The heavy sun had not relented all afternoon, beating down on their shoulders and backs as they strolled through the Brooklyn Bridge Park, so the treat was a welcome respite from the heat. Beside him, Kun had finished his butter pecan ice cream and was eyeing Ten’s with undisguised interest.

“No,” Ten said preemptively, though it was no use, as Kun leaned over and wrapped an arm around Ten’s middle so that he wouldn’t be able to wriggle away. “No, no, no! You finished yours! This is mine!”

“I wanna try!” Kun pleaded, chuckling and raising his little plastic spoon. “Just one bite.”

“It tastes like chocolate! You know what chocolate tastes like!” Ten twisted in Kun’s arms, but Kun was firm and solid, warm. He poked Ten in the ribs right where he was most ticklish, and Ten buckled to the side, gasping for breath through his laughter while holding his cup of ice cream close to his chest protectively. Ten dipped his spoon into his cup and dredged out the tiniest amount he could justify. “Cheater. Fine. One bite.”

Kun opened his mouth, waiting, and Ten found his face growing hot as he fed Kun the spoonful. Kun ate it thoughtfully, letting the rich taste move from the front of his mouth to the back of it. On their last date, Ten had listened with rapt attention as Kun identified a list of over a dozen ingredients he could discern in a sauce Ten liked during their meal. It was a neat party trick, and for some reason it really drew Ten in—maybe because the quiet focus on Kun’s face gave Ten the opportunity to admire the perfect placement of the freckle under Kun’s eyebrow.

Kun smacked his lips in satisfaction. “That’s really good,” he said finally. “Kind of wish I’d gotten that instead.”

“I just knew you’d go for an old grandpa flavor,” Ten teased.

“Butter pecan is a classic!”

“Sure, grandpa.”

“I want to try their matcha next time, I think,” Kun continued, smoothly and expertly navigating Ten’s teasing. “I bet it would be really good with the chocolate.”

“Next time you said we should go to that other ice cream place at the _other_ end of the park.”

“We’ll go there, and then we’ll go here again. Back and forth eating ice cream, forever and ever.”

“We’ll die on our mounds of red bean ice cream.” Ten sighed dreamily. “It’s a good way to go.” He drank the remaining ice cream soup in his cup as a toast. 

“Definitely. Should we find some shade?”

“That would be lovely,” Ten agreed.

They walked through the park along the river, staying close to the trees for the cover they provided from the sun, stopping every once in a while to read one of the plaques along the railing overlooking the water for some historical or architectural trivia. When they came across the dog park, they both agreed it was essential that they plant their butts on a bench and decide which of the puppies running around inside the park were their favorites. Ten was partial to the Frenchie lolling about in one of the small dog pools. Kun liked the little Bichon Frise bouncing around like a tiny cloud.

At the beginning of their walk, Ten had put his hair up into a loose ponytail and now the blush pink tendrils escaping from his tie were clinging to his face with sweat, even as they sat in the shade. He pushed them back from his forehead and temples with a pathetic, overheated whine as the puppies played.

Kun turned to him with a tiny stitch between his brows, his hand lifted. “You have a little—Can I?” 

The bridge of Ten’s nose itched and burned. He nodded, eyelids fluttering closed the moment Kun’s fingers brushed ever-so-gently over Ten’s forehead to frame his hair back around his face. “Thanks,” Ten murmured. 

Kun was so lovely, and his fingers made Ten feel like precious glass, handled with the utmost care and attention. “You’ve got a bit of a sunburn, I think,” Kun said with a smirk.

“What?”

“A sunburn.” Kun pulled back, and Ten resisted the urge to frown. 

“I don’t burn, honey,” Ten said, and Kun laughed, and Ten felt the sound inside of his rib cage wrap itself like a sweater around his heart.

The sun was on its way down, turning the clouds in the sky orange and pink. Ten wanted to sit in the bowl of Kun’s palms cupped around him for a bit longer, wanted to bask in Kun’s warmth and glow. He wanted more moments like this, with Kun, for as long as Kun would have him. He wanted Kun to be okay with taking it slow. Like agonizingly slow. He wanted Kun to know that just because he was ace didn’t mean he didn’t crave—and want to reciprocate—affection, and closeness, and vulnerability.

But first he had to tell him he was ace.

Kun smiled as he rose out of his seat, stretching his arms above his head and revealing a slip of his trim tummy at the waistband of his shorts. “Let’s get out of the sun and get something to eat, shall we? I know a place.” 

.

Three fish tacos and a frozen margarita later, Kun was excusing himself to use the restroom and Ten was quietly having a breakdown in his seat. The backyard of the restaurant Kun had taken him to was gorgeous. The brick wall separating the sitting area from the street was blanketed by greenery, and the tables were covered by giant white umbrellas. He could see the underbelly of the Brooklyn Bridge from where they sat.

Throughout the meal, conversation had flowed easily between them, like it always seemed to. Kun was adept at jumping from topic to topic without making Ten feel like he was trying to cross a rushing river by hopping a couple of precariously placed stones, and the way Kun saw the world was fascinating to Ten. The magic didn’t stop at Kun’s card tricks. Ten kept thinking that it would be unfortunate to lose this with Kun, and that maybe he didn’t have to tell him he was ace yet, after all. He could float by on this feeling for a while, until Kun wanted more.

But the voice in his head urged him to be brave. To take a chance. If Kun didn’t accept him the way he was, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. He would be sad for a while, and then he’d move on. The experience was nothing new to him.

Kun returned with a flush on his cheeks and sheepish grin on his lips. “Sorry. There’s only one bathroom and there was a line,” he said, taking his seat. “Do you want to get dessert somewhere? I know we already had ice cream but this is a new meal, so I think it’s totally okay if we get dessert.”

Ten laughed lightly and fidgeted with his hands in his lap. Kun was really so sweet. He wished he’d ordered another frozen margarita. “Kun, can I talk to you about something that’s a little...hard for me talk about sometimes?”

Kun picked up on Ten’s change in tone immediately, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. He laid a hand out over the table. Not reaching, not insisting. Just offering, if Ten needed it. Ten glanced at it, licking his lips, and closed the distance between them. He felt a piece of his heart slot back into place when Kun’s fingers curled around his. 

“What’s up?” Kun asked gently.

“I really like you,” Ten said. 

Kun went pink, glowing all the way to the tops of his ears. Bashful. Cute. “I really like you, too.”

Ten squeezed Kun’s hand and gave himself a moment, a breath, to gather his courage before letting his truth spill out of him in a rush of words. “So I wanted to tell you before we take this any further that I’m ace.”

The wind batted against Ten’s ears as Kun looked at him in silence, his jaw hanging slightly, his eyebrows still furrowed. Oh god, Kun wasn’t responding. Was it because he didn’t know what Ten was talking about or because he _did_ know and he was disgusted, or confused, or angry? The ambient noise of the restaurant fell away as Ten remembered coming out to Hendery in college the morning after a sick party, the both of them nursing killer hangovers. How even Hendery had laughed at first because he thought Ten was joking. He felt the margarita turn sour in his belly and pulled his hand out of Kun’s grasp.

“Um.” Kun startled at the movement, letting Ten go. “Thank you for telling me?” 

Kun paused, falling into his habit that Ten had noticed early on of humming before speaking so he could get his words in order. He seemed uncertain, and Ten’s heart knocked down to his lowest rib in disappointment. The rejection was coming. Ten built up the walls around his tumbling heart brick by brick in preparation.

Kun said, “But you already told me on our second date. Don’t you remember?”

Ten took a breath. He would not let rejection break him tonight. “I know it’s probably not what you expected, but it’s a part of me and I really like you and if we’re going to—Hold up. What?” Ten blinked at Kun, processing what the other said. “Wait, what?”

Kun leaned forward with the smallest of grins on his face, stirring the paper straw in his watered-down drink before taking a sip. “Yeah? You told me at the bar on our second date. We were a couple of drinks in by then, though, so that’s probably why you don’t remember.”

It was true; Ten didn’t remember much of their second date. When recounting the experience with Lucas and Hendery he’d only been able to recall the place where they’d gotten appetizers, the first bar they’d gone to that night, and the feeling of excitement, of connection and joy, that had stayed with him throughout the evening. 

Ten’s cheeks burned. “Oh, no.”

“Oh, yes.” Kun flashed his teeth in a full, broad smile. 

Ten’s hands went to his forehead, clutching at his hair. “ _Oh no._ What else did I tell you that night?”

“You were just full of stories about growing up in Bangkok. And college. And then we talked about the universe and finding meaning in chaos for a _really_ long time.”

“The _universe,_ ” Ten whispered, aghast at himself. He threw his face into his hands. “Oh my god. This whole time I thought — I am _so_ embarrassed.”

“Baby, why?”

“Because I got brown-out drunk and came out to you! And I don’t even remember doing it! And you’ve been so great about everything, and I’ve been anxious over nothing.”

Kun’s face fell slightly. “You were anxious about telling me?”

Ten lowered his hands as the heat from his initial embarrassment slowly retreated. “Don’t worry, you’re not special. I’m anxious about a lot of things.”

Kun chuckled. “That night when you told me, I didn’t know much about it. So I looked up some articles, read up on it. I might not do everything right, so I’d appreciate you telling me if I make a mistake. And if I already have made any. I don’t want you to feel anxious about me. I know we’ve only met a couple of weeks ago, but I want you to know you can talk to me about anything.”

Ten was going to cry. He could feel the pressure building up in the backs of his eyes, in the stuttering of his breath in his lungs. He looked away from Kun’s earnest expression because the brilliance of his open acceptance was not something Ten had ever dreamed he could get used to, and his bottom lip wobbled dangerously. “Oh,” he breathed, the sound unleashing the first of his tears.

“Are you crying?”

“Shut up,” Ten sniffed.

“Okay,” Kun said.

“No, don’t shut up,” Ten said sadly, swiping the wetness from his cheeks with his palms. “I’m sorry. I just—you’ve surprised me.” He snatched a napkin from the table and sat there with it over the bottom half of his face until the tears stopped. The sopping napkin was blotted with purplish splotches when he put it down. “Dammit, is my makeup ruined?”

“No. You look beautiful.”

“Are you just saying that but I actually have eyeliner all down my face?” Ten asked, pouting.

“No,” Kun said, smiling with his bottom lip caught between his teeth. “You look really stunning. You always look stunning. Do you want to get out of here?”

“Yeah,” Ten said, rummaging around himself to gather his things and put them into his tote bag. “Wait, the check—”

“Took care of it already,” Kun said smugly. “The age-old ‘going to the bathroom to actually pay for the check first’ trick.”

“Bastard,” Ten said, secretly delighted. He swiped at his eyes as he stood, almost falling forward to take Kun’s hand. “I want you to know you can talk to me about anything, too,” Ten murmured when they had emerged back out onto the street, their clasped hands swinging between their bodies. The sun had sunk beneath the buildings during dinner, and the sky was purple and magical with twilight.

They ambled slowly toward the subway station because neither could decide where to go next, but when they reached the green entrance to the subway station and stood by the sign, Ten felt torn between the two directions he could take. This way to Manhattan. That way to Brooklyn. He turned to Kun. “I really like you.”

“We’ve covered this already,” Kun teased.

Ten shook his fist, making Kun’s whole arm quake in his grasp. “Kun!”

“I like you, too,” Kun laughed. “What? What do you want from me now?”

“I don’t want to go home yet,” Ten said. “But I’m too full for another dessert. Can we just...keep going?”

Kun’s eyes were dark and glittering. Kind and accepting. “My place is nearby, if you wanted to come over,” he offered. “We could...keep going.”

Ten smiled. His heart fluttered like the wings of a new butterfly just emerging from a cocoon in his chest. “Yeah, that sounds good. I’d like that a lot.”

.

**Author's Note:**

> this might become a series, i dunno! i just really love them and want to explore their relationship/s (and them as individuals) more...Thanks for reading! Please share your comments and kudos, thank you!
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/andnowforyaya) (feel free to DM)


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